They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
