Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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