Can Purell be used as lube?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Houston, we have a squirter
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
