I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
