I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
