She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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