My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize