I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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