I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
