I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
