I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
