Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
