4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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