8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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