This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
