I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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