I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize