you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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