Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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