I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize