So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this hospital has no fireball
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
