Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
