Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
