wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
