I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Boobs are out for the taking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
