There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
