He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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