drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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