You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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