You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
