I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
