I skipped work to stalk him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
