At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
