Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
