just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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