How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
