Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
