I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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