I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
