Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
