What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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