how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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