There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
