Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So much Jack, so little girl.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
