I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
