Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
