oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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