Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
