You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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