IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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