The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
