Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize