i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
