it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
