I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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