ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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