4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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