just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize