That's intense
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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