actually, I'm a sock model
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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