Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
