I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
