Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
