I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
