there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
