Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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